Joe Millionaire under Katie's Microscope

David Putty stars in the latest Fox hit

He may be short on cash, but he is stupid

DETROIT, MI JANUARY 29, 2003

By Katie Armstrong
Ah yes, yet another pseudo-celebrity has been born. If we could just find someone to pay Joe Millionaire to stare slack jawed and say ‘um’ I’m sure he could amass great wealth very quickly.  Oh, wait, that is precisely what Fox is doing!  Perhaps our hero’s finest moment was when he was stumped by the question, “what is your middle name?” 

Watching this super-sized dolt attempt to get “rommanic” and “innamate” is nothing short of torture.  He is continuously speculating on whether the women are into him or his money.   What money?

Now let's not forget the lovely ladies vying for Joe’s heart:

Melissa
This is the large toothed curly-haired maiden.  Melissa is unable to visually identify cloves of garlic and confesses that she does not clean.  When Joe Millionaire asked her about her aspirations, she told him she longed to visit a “third world country and bathe their children.”   What?

Zora
Zora appears to hate Joe Millionaire’s guts, yet has survived a number of eliminations.  Maybe Mr. Millionaire loves the chase.  Or perhaps he is so dumb he thinks she likes him.

Sara
Joe Millionaire is a little worried about Sarah’s interest in the money.  Not too worried to treat viewers to audio of the two sucking face somewhere outside of the Chalet. Last week Sara was overheard announcing with much glee, “pearls, rubies, emeralds what could be next?” Perhaps a ride on Joe's bulldozer.


Mo “I choose you” Jo
Although Mojo was tragically cut, she gets an honorable mention for her ability to irreparably freak out Joe Millionaire.  After she made him read (out loud) a poem she had written AND piece together a puzzle made from a Mojo glam shot, it was curtains for Mojo.

So who will win the chance to be queen humiliated? My guess is Sara, but hell, I though Justin was going to win American A-Hole.

Update!

Zora wins Joe's Heart

Tickle-me Sarah gets sent packing

Last night Zora "won", or at least was selected to be Joe's mate.  The real winner has to be the American TV audience who will no longer have to suffer through another minute of this muttering dolt.  That is, except for next week's wrap-up show, the countless B-movies, TV ads, etc...DOH!.

Perhaps we are a little tough on this guy.  The ladies weren't exactly strong conversationalists.  And memo to Zora - take $100 of the money you got to trim that poodle sitting on your head.  Sheesh.