This blow hole smells like the salted mutton and sewer grog they serve on board the forgettable ship in this over budgeted tanker of a nightmare. The director must have been thinking, "Alright, everybody, in this shot, Russell looks good with his long hair standing next to the main sail, and in the next shot, Russell looks good with his long hair standing next to a cannon, and in this next shot, Russell's long hair blows in the wind next to Russell's chiseled face. I love it! ACTION!"

Master and Commander: Far side of the Earth showcases a bunch of guys a long time ago in sea-faring ships that are about as interesting to watch as a bowl of cold soup served in a retirement home. First of all, the title, Master and Commander, is painfully redundant, sort of like the department of redundancy department. Second, here's something, when you tell a story, try having a point. Third, it flat out sucked.

I would rather watch a cigarette butt not do anything on a sidewalk for two hours than this action thriller that has awkward action and absolutely no thrills.

Conclusion: Two thumbs right where the sun don't shine.

Related:

Other gd.com Guest Columns